Sania was in the worst phase of her life. At 3 am in the morning, she sat on her bed, wondering how she let herself be in this position. You see, she had cried the whole night, and her bloodshot eyes were proof of the pain that she was in. She hadn't slept for two nights and was trying to get in touch with Dorain. Now, Dorain is the guy she was with for seven years. They had decided to get married when Dorain suddenly didn’t want to go through with it. Obviously, it was shocking for Sania to understand what was happening. It was as if her whole world came crashing down on her. She tried to convince Dorain for another try, but he was resolute in his position. Dorian broke up a seven-year-old relationship as if it was not a big deal. And this is precisely what shattered Sania's heart into pieces. Eight months later, Sania was still heartbroken and couldn't stop thinking about the seven-year-old relationship. Her heart wanted to be with Dorian. On the contrary, Dorain had started to date again.
The question now becomes "Why?" “Why a powerful woman who had battled breast cancer twice was unable to get over Dorian?”. “Why an emotionally intelligent woman who fought the deadly disease was unable to use the same coping mechanisms to get over a heartbreak?”.
You see, heartbreaks are excruciating. Guy Winch, an expert in relationship psychology, says that heartbreak is a complex psychological injury. He further adds that the symptoms of heartbreak and grief are almost similar. For example, heartbreak can be accompanied by insomnia. Besides, Guy Winch says that 40% of the people with a broken heart suffer from clinically measurable depression. Heartbreak can also cause Immune system dysfunction. The primary function of the immune system is to fight the pathogens that get compromised.
Brain studies have shown similarities between the withdrawal symptoms of addictions and romantic love. The same brain areas get activated when experiencing a breakup as the withdrawal of addictions.
When Saina saw the picture of her and Dorain together, the ventral tegmental area got activated. As soon as Sania saw Dorain's face, blood rushed to this pleasure center and released dopamine. When experiencing a breakup, the brain areas associated with craving and longing also light up. Besides, the areas of the brain associated with producing physical pain also light up. That is why some people experience pain in their chest or stomach when experiencing heartbreak.
Distraction and Progress
Distraction alone cannot work. You can go partying and socialize with people, but the memories hit you like a wrecking ball as soon as you are alone. You must find something that you can work on and progress in. It can be your body, your career goals, or finding meaning in life. A sense of achievement can make you feel alive. It boosts your self-confidence and self-worth. Mathew Hussey, an expert on “relationships and dating”, says that it may lower heartbreak pain.
Take a decision and back it up with work.
If they broke your heart even when everything was going smoothly in your relationship, they didn't deserve you. Now, it is your responsibility to repair your broken heart. Block them on social media if that is the first step to recovery. If they try to communicate with you, tell them clearly that they are getting in your way of healing. If they don't understand then stop picking up their calls and replying to their text messages. Guy Winch says that "make a list of all the things that person was wrong for you. All the bad things, all the pet peeves and then keep it on your phone." When in a therapy session, the clients feel nostalgic, Winch asks them to open their phones and read the list. It immediately reminds them of how they were not right for them.
Stop Idealising Them
I heard this line from Mathew Hussey where he said: "stop grieving as if they were the one." The fact that left you and put you in a position where your world came crashing down on you is proof that they were never the one. If you remember the good times, then also remember the bad ones. Stop thinking that you are not good enough for them and start working on yourself.
Heartbreaks are excruciatingly painful. Guy Winch says that it is not a journey but a fight. In this war, your ammunition is your mentality. Make sure to take positives out of the heartbreak. Look at how well you are coping and surviving in tough times. With every passing day, become proud of your efforts to fight against the uncomfortableness.
Pain is an inevitable part of our lives, and that is why you need to document everything that works for you after a heartbreak. This is to prepare yourself for future pain.