After learning about my parent’s divorce, I did not know what to feel except utter shock. What I thought was a stable marriage between my parents turned out to be the opposite, and now I was entering a new era of my life. Initially, I thought the way my parents split would not impact me. However, I learned besides my opinions changing regarding divorce; my future could be affected. I have yet to enter the “real” world as a college student.
Nevertheless, I have observed how I approach my relationships has reflected my parents’ divorce in a subtle context. This piece is all about diving into how someone’s parental divorce affects their intimate relationships in the future. Are people with divorced parents doomed to never maintain a long-lasting relationship? Or, is there little to no correlation between how these people maintain their relationships?
Research has suggested that there is a correlation between people who have grown up with divorced parents and their relationships, but this topic truly is on a case by case basis. Studies have revealed that the way the child at a young age copes with a divorce results in their behavior when they are older. For example, if the parent’s divorce was mutual and the parting was respectful, children of these parents are able to know when to leave a relationship based on how healthy it truly is. Meanwhile, if the divorce was dominated by fights and the parting was messy, these children have the tendency to avoid intimate relationships. They also might be the ones who will continue to be loyal in an unhealthy relationship since they do not want to put surrounding parties through the same trauma they experienced.
Further research revealed that men and women react differently to parents’ divorce which thus affects how they manage intimate relationships later on. According to the National Center for Biotechnology Information, young women did not demonstrate high confidence in relationships and were not as committed. Meanwhile, men exhibited reduced relationship confidence when their parents experienced conflict, but it was revealed that parental divorce did not affect them. Nevertheless, with men, other studies conducted showed that men were affected by parental divorce. In a study done by the Marriage & Religion Research Institute, men were found to be either hostile or feel the need to save the person they are attracted to. Women were also found to crave love and attention and fear abandonment, contrasting the results found from the National Center for Biotechnology Information.
Amidst all of this research, one thing remains clear: this topic is clearly a case by case issue. Each person internalizes what they have experienced differently, thus arising unique lessons learned. What I learned from my parent’s divorce is different from my siblings, because the way my siblings viewed my parent’s divorce is unique to them. Since this affects each person differently, what are some things that you should be doing to ensure your relationships are healthy?
If your parents are divorced, ask yourself the following questions:
What were the problems my parents had while they were married?
How did they worsen these problems mentioned in question 1?
How can I learn from the ways my parents dealt with these problems?
If I were my parents, what could I have done differently?
For further assistance with how to maintain healthy relationships in your own life, seek out professional help through a social worker, therapist, or psychologist.