When is it Time to Seek Couples Counseling?

Jeena and Chris loved each other. They found the compatibility that couples desire for and decided to get married. Everything was fantastic, and frankly, people were a bit envious of them. They bought a new house together and raised two beautiful kids. 

When Jeena met a close friend Suzan, last summer, all she did was complain about Chris. It was surprising for Suzan to hear her complain. The last time when she met them, Chris and Jeena were devoted to each other. You see, Chris was the type of guy who truly cared about Jeena, and Jeena was the same. They always had that spark in their relationship. 

Now, Jeena complains that Chris doesn't understand a word she says: "I don't deserve this. He does not care about any of the stuff. Things aren't the way they were before". Ironically, Chris feels the same way about Jeena. They both blame each other for the chaos in their relationship. Sex isn't what it used to be, and communication isn't great either. At some point, Jeena thought that Chris was having an affair with someone. When Jeena tried to ask Chris, he ignored it by saying "you have lost your mind". Besides that, the frequent arguments between the two aren't making their lives easier. Lack of effective communication has led to a lack of emotional intimacy.  All of this has grown into a bag of mutual resentment and can burst into flames at any moment. Suzan, being a good friend to both Chris and Jeena convinced them to go for the couple's therapy. It has been three months into therapy, and those two love birds can already feel the difference. 

What is couple's therapy? 

The name in itself is the definition of "couple's therapy." It is a type of psychotherapy that deals with two individuals in a relationship. In this process, the licensed therapist helps the two individuals resolve interpersonal conflicts. Conflicts are a vital part of any relationship, and that is how it grows. However, unresolved conflicts can lead to anger, frustration, and blame game. The therapist works together with the couple to recognize the unhealthy patterns in their relationship. The issues are looked at from both perspectives and the therapist assists in providing insights about those issues.

Furthermore, the therapist educates the couple about the emotional and behavioral responses to certain situations. Old communication patterns are first analyzed and then replaced with more effective ones. With time, the couple modifies their reactions to different situations and strengthens their emotional bonds. When the couple becomes aware of the problems and dysfunctional patterns, they are equipped with strategies to tackle them. 

When do you seek Couples therapy?

Can you point some of the things that you felt were off in Chris and Jeena's relationship? These things made it necessary for them to go for couple's therapy. 

Lack of effective communication was a significant problem in their relationship. In fact, in any relationship, casualties occur due to a lack of effective communication. Chris and Jeena could not understand each other's emotions and intentions behind their broken conversations. Therefore they got lost in the labyrinth of misunderstandings. There was a time when Jeena thought that Chris was cheating on her. At that moment, Chris could have patiently sat her down and clarified everything. However, he chose not to do that. This creates a lack of trust between the partners. Without trust, it is hard to have emotional intimacy, playfulness, physical intimacy, and spontaneity in any relationship. You could see it in Chris, and Jeena's relationship. Their emotional and sex life was taking a hit. Those things compounded with a lack of effective communication make any relationship nothing but a massive bag of mutual resentment. It is that place where couples don't want to be. It is that place where individuals feel that everything their partner says or does is to hurt them. That is where frequent arguments/fights can take place. Don't get me wrong. Partners are bound to argue about things that they strongly feel about. The problem is when these arguments become a perpetual cycle. Sometimes, you may even know where your partner puts full stops and commas in their statements because of the repeatability of the process. Sometimes, you may even see where the argument is heading but can't change the responses. That is precisely where couple's therapy should be considered. 

If you relate to Chris and Jeena, then you need to go for couple's therapy. The more you wait for it, the more these unhealthy relationship patterns strengthen. It would be best if you go for the couple's therapy when there is still an emotional connection between you and your partner. Chris and Jeena transformed their relationship in three months because they had not fallen out of love with each other. Do not wait a bit. Click on this link to get on a 15-minute consultation call.  You can ask the questions that you want about the process. Don’t worry about it, it is a FREE consultation call and will be scheduled according to your instructions. 

What is Family Therapy?

Family is more often a safety net for most people. You explore the world, keeping in mind that you can always rely on your family to have your back. You stay together, you eat together, you laugh together, and you cry together. Point being, through the thin and thick of things, you stick together. 

The picture was taken from https://hr.cornell.edu/wellbeing-perks/parenting

But,

1. What happens when your communication breaks down, and simple arguments turn into never-ending fights?

2. What happens when a member of your family has a mental disorder like depression or schizophrenia? How do you cope with that?

3. What happens when a member of your family falls prey to addiction? 

4. What happens when you see extreme changes in the behavior of your children?

5. What happens when you suddenly experience the death of a loved one? How do you cope? 

If you don’t know the answers to the questions mentioned above, then, this is precisely when you should go for family therapy. 

What is Family Therapy?

You see, “family therapy is a type of psychotherapy that aims to minimize distress and conflicts by looking at the system of interaction between family members”. More attention is given to the interaction between the members rather than a specific individual.  Besides that, the therapist does not take any sides; however, works diligently to analyze the issues at hand. This is done by analyzing previous conflicts and suggesting alternative emotional and behavioral responses to these conflicts. Just like we covered in the last blog about couples therapy ( put the link), the old communication patterns are first analyzed and then replaced with more effective ones. The primary aim of this step is to make the interaction between the family members smooth. This is important because effective interactions can build trust, empathy, and mutual understanding between the family members.

The picture was taken from https://www.parentinginottawa.ca/en/shared-content/parenting-diversity-and-inclusion.aspx

When it comes to a family member experiencing something like Schizophrenia, it can be taxing on the family. Due to psychosis, the interactions between the family members and the individual suffering from schizophrenia might worsen. As a consequence, the elevated level of hostility, anger, yelling etc. within the family may also elevate the psychosis, creating more conflicts in the family.  In family therapy, the members will be thoroughly educated about the mental disorder and the ways they can manage it. The individual with schizophrenia goes through individual ‘therapy’ as well as family therapy. 

Similarly, in depression and addiction, the therapist explores how these particular conditions impact the interaction between the family members. For instance, when it comes to substance use, parents and young adults might get into a  fugitive/detective dynamic. It is that place where young adults try to hide and lie about substance use, and parents act like detectives. The therapist explores this dynamic, provides insight on creating clarity, and focuses on building effective behaviors. 

When it comes to the death of a loved one, the family can understandably be stuck in the grieving process. More importantly, the death of a loved one can impact the family dynamics by creating the need for family members to reorganize and readjust to the loss. Family therapy, in this case, can facilitate an adaptive adjustment to the loss. 

Nevertheless, Family therapy is vital for the reasons mentioned above. If you relate to any of the situations mentioned above, then I would recommend you to go for family therapy almost immediately. Get on to a FREE 15-minute consultation call and talk to the best therapists about the problems that you and your family face. 

The Connection Between Exercise and Mental Health

Introduction

The role of exercise in good physical health is well documented. Research has consistently shown the benefits of regular exercise on lowering the rates of chronic conditions such as cardiovascular diseases, type II diabetes and some cancers. More importantly, research goes on to say that lack of physical activity is the leading cause of major chronic diseases. This is primarily the reason why doctors have 'exercise' as an essential part of their treatment plan regardless of the type of chronic diseases. While research has guaranteed the positive effects of exercise on physical health, it has also bolstered the influence of exercise on one's mental health. 

The World Health Organization has recommended 150 minutes of moderate or 75 minutes of intense physical activity for adults aged 18-64 years per week. These recommendations of WHO are backed with extensive research by psychologists. As a consequence, clinicians from the past 30 years have recommended physical exercise as an adjunct to therapeutic and pharmacological treatments. This is because 'exercise' has transdiagnostic advantages on a person's mental wellbeing. That means, regardless of the type of mental disorder, exercise benefits all, although with varying benefits.

The Positive Effects of Exercise Across Mental Disorders

In the case of depression, exercise reduces the symptoms significantly. For instance, one of the symptoms of depression is low mood/energy, and exercise is shown to boost one's mood and energy immensely. Furthermore, researchers have found a negative correlation between exercising and insomnia. Meaning, exercising can also improve sleep quality. Both aerobic and non-aerobic (resistance training) exercises remarkably reduce the symptoms of depression. Tyson Fury, the two-time world heavyweight boxing champion suffered from depression for 18 months. He says that without his workouts, it would have been impossible for him to heal. Even now, in this Pandemic, he thanks his 'workouts' for anchoring him. 

With anxiety disorders and panic attacks, exercise can act as a distraction and simultaneously release those feel-good chemicals in the brain. Besides, exercising can help control the amygdala, which is responsible for reacting to threats to our survival. Exercise does this by activating the frontal regions of the brain which activate the executive functions. 

One of the severe mental disorders known to humankind is Schizophrenia. It is a disorder accompanied by frequent hallucinations and delusions. One study, in particular, found that aerobic exercises decreased both the negative and positive symptoms tremendously during a 12-week intervention. People with schizophrenia often say that exercising provides them with a platform to detach from the symptoms and engage more with reality. 

The Mechanism through which Exercise Works

The mechanisms through which 'exercise' works is a matter of debate. However, there is a consensus among researchers that exercise induces chemical changes in our brains. Studies have consistently shown that regular exercise can increase the levels of monoamines in our brains. An increased level of monoamines elevates happiness and a positive mood in individuals. Besides, exercising releases chemicals that we call 'endorphins'. These chemicals interact with brain receptors and reduce our perception of pain. Most people describe the feeling at the end of the workout as 'euphoric' and therefore, at that moment have an energising outlook on life. Well, endorphins are responsible for that. 

Significance of Exercise 

The significance of 'physical activity' elevates when research suggests that mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the world. Why? Because research also suggests that exercising can act as a protective factor against various mental disorders.

John Ratey, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says that exercising is as effective as taking drugs like Prozac. He says that both exercise and Prozac help in elevating the neurotransmitters in our brains. This makes ‘exercise' a magic pill to reduce or to prevent the symptoms of mental disorders without any side effects (when performed optimally).

Although there are incontrovertible benefits of exercise on one's mental health, however, more exercise does not necessarily mean more benefits. One study, in particular, found that people who exercised more than 90 minutes in one session experienced lower mental health as compared to people who exercised for 45 minutes. The same study also highlighted the frequency for optimal workouts. People who exercised more than 23 times in a month had lower mental health as compared to otherwise. 

Conclusion

Overall, exercise has tremendous physical and mental health benefits. Time and frequency for exercising depend on individuals. Because of our 'individual differences', it is hard to conclude what is optimal for everyone. The best thing to do is to document your exercising journey and be observant of the changes in your physical and mental state. If you feel, more exercise negatively influences your mental health, then cut down a bit. If you feel, exercise energizes you and positively affects your mental health, then continue with it. However, the hardest part is to start. Take your baby steps and let 'exercise' act as your knight in shining armour.