Have you ever been in love? If you have, then, what is your definition of love? You see, for the sake of this blog, I did something different. First, I looked for what well-known people thought about love, and then I also asked a couple of people about their definitions of love.
Starting with Jennifer Lopez, the famous American celebrity, she says: "love to me is someone telling me "I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and if you needed me to, I'd jump out of a plane for you."
Kim Kardashian says: "I think you have different soulmates throughout your life, that your soul needs different things at different times. I do believe in love. I will always believe in love, but my idea has changed from what I've always thought."
On the other hand, three years ago, I had asked Nathan, a psychology master’s student, about his definition of love. At that time he said: "Love is helping each other in becoming the best versions of yourselves possible. It is light, free and exciting." When I recently asked him about the definition for the sake of this blog, he said: "I would add security and acceptance too. You must feel safe, loved and not only seen but also appreciated for who you are"
The reason I included the definitions mentioned above is to note that love can be subjective, and the definitions can change over time. Your conceptualization of love may entirely be different from any of the above definitions. However, Robert J Sternberg, the famous psychologist, says that regardless of the subjective nature of love, it is made up of three imperative components. He conceptualized love in a theory that we call the "triangular theory of love" and its three components are:
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment.
Passion: In this component of love, people more often experience powerful feelings for each other. They think about each other all the time. Ever seen people texting so passionately that they lack track of their existence? Yes, that is passion. Besides, this component comprises sexual consummation, physical attraction, and related romantic phenomena.
Intimacy: This component of love is linked with connectedness, warmth, closeness, and bondedness. This is the place where you confide yourself in the other person. With time, this component strengthens the trust between two individuals.
Decision/Commitment: In the short term, it refers to the "decision that one loves a certain other" and in the long run it relates to a conscious decision to maintain that love for each other.
These components of love may interact with each other and based on their interaction, 8 kinds of love can be generated:
Non-love: As the name suggests, non-love is when none of those mentioned above components is present. There is no connection or bondedness in this type of love.
Liking: is when only intimacy is present. It lacks passion and decision/commitment. Examples can be friendships and some acquaintances.
Infatuated love is when only passion is present, and the other two components are missing. It is often referred to as 'puppy love' or 'crush'.
Empty love: is when there is only commitment and the other two components are missing. An arranged marriage can be an example because they start by singing a long term contract. In this case, intimacy and passion may or may not develop later on in the relationship.
Romantic love is when two people experience intimacy and passion, however, lack commitment.
Companionate love: has intimacy and commitment but lack passion. This may include best friends or relationships with family members.
Fatuous love: includes passion and commitment; however, it lacks intimacy. This may involve experiencing powerful feelings for each other and then getting married without going through the intimacy component.
Consummate Love: This includes all three components of love. It is usually the ideal form of love. This type of love does occur in relationships, but it is hard to sustain. It can come and go at times. In that case, it is replaced by other forms of love.
It is essential to know that, in real-life situations, these components may not be mutually exclusive. Meaning, you may get to see a certain amount of each element in relationships.
More importantly, by using the information in this blog, you can identify where you are in your relationship with anyone. Besides, by being aware of the components of love, you can avoid pitfalls in your relationships and improve the areas that need work.
In the end, I will leave you with one of the most powerful definitions of love that I have received from a 46-year-old lady:
"I love him because he is amazing. He makes me happy, takes care of me, understands me and changes for me. We have similar ideas when it comes to many things. We are both weird about the same kind of things, and we are both practical when it comes to the same kind of things. He is not afraid of expressing himself. He is completely himself with me and lets me care for him too. And I love taking care of him. I know none of this answers your question, but these are just a few things that come to mind."
What is your definition of love? You can post it in the comment sections, and we would love to hear from you.