With the recent increase in violence, especially within US schools, it is important to check in on our children and how they are feeling. These traumatic events can begin to raise concerns in our children about their own safety at school and in their communities. Whether the child has experienced violence firsthand or not, it can still take a toll on their mental wellbeing. Understanding how to discuss these difficult topics with children as well as support them can help ease the child and their concerns.
Tips on How to Support Your Child
Facilitating conversations about violent experiences may vary depending on the age and maturity of the child. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) suggests the following tips on how to approach your child after a traumatic experience:
Preschool Children (0-5 years old): Younger children have a strong dependency on their caretaker. Therefore, it is normal to witness the child mimicking similar emotions as their caretakers and rely on the presence of an adult to feel safe. Children under the age of 2 do not understand the effects of trauma, whereas a child aged 3-5 can.
TIPS:
Be gentle with them by approaching them in a calm manner. Use a gentle tone and words they understand when speaking to them.
Get down to their eye level and reassure them by holding or carrying them.
Early Childhood to Adolescence (6-19 years old): Children between the ages of 6-10 years old may experience changes in behavior after a traumatic event. Some of which include a higher difficulty paying attention, being aggressive, and acting younger than their age. It may even be more difficult for children older than 11 year old to cope with traumatic stress because they may find difficulty in identifying and expressing how they are feeling emotionally. There is also a higher risk that older children and teens may resort to risky behaviors like alcohol and drug use in order to cope.
TIPS:
Ask about what worries them and what might help them cope.
Offer comfort with your presence, whether that be a hug or gentle words.
Encourage children to spend time doing things they enjoy. This can include hanging out with friends, participating in recreational activities, or writing.
Excuse children from chores for a few days.
Avoid hitting, isolating, abandoning, or making fun of the child.
Spend time doing something special with them and continue to check in with them in a nonintrusive way.
Caretakers Need Support Too
As much as we want to be there to comfort our children, traumatic news can be heavy on the caretaker as well. Make sure that while you are with your children, you are taking care of yourself and your wellbeing. The American Psychological Association provides ways on how you can take care of yourself in these situations.
Turn off the news. The extensive media coverage of traumatic news can be overwhelming to see over and over again. Try to limit the amount of media you and your children consume while still keeping informed on the important news regarding the situation.
Take a break. Practicing self-care can ease the stress caused by trauma, whether that means getting more rest or picking up a new hobby.
Engage in physical activity. Exercising results in the release of endorphins, which can boost energy, improve mood, and reduce traumatic stress.
Do something that will lift your spirits and those of your family. Spending more time with family may help remind you that you are not going through your emotions alone.
Additional Resources
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Disaster Technical Assistance Center (SAMHSA DTAC)
Website: http://www.samhsa.gov/dtac | 1-800-308-3515
Disaster Distress Helpline
Website: http://disasterdistress.samhsa.gov 1-800-985-5990 Text “TalkWithUs” to 66746