Have you ever found yourself comparing your image, wealth, and successes to another person? If so, you’re not alone.

Let's set the scene:

You come home from a long stressful day at work and decide to spend some of your downtime on social media. You unlock your phone and begin your journey mindlessly scrolling. All down your feed you see several people sharing exciting news. Your friend and their partner are on an expensive vacation destination in Mexico. One of your co-workers just received a promotion at work. Some girl you grew up with recently put a down payment on a brand new home.

You find yourself both excited for them but at the same time, feeling worse about where you are in life.

This scenario here is the perfect example of the comparison trap.

If you have found yourself in a similar situation, you are not the only one. Creating comparisons to others is a natural human instinct. According to Psychology Today, nearly 10% of our thoughts involve comparison in some way.

However, are we robbing ourselves of happiness in the process?

What is Social Comparison Theory?

The social comparison theory was first introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954. According to Festinger, social comparison is defined as the need to compare oneself to others in order to measure success in ourselves.

There are two types of social comparisons:

Upward Comparison: the act of comparing oneself to another person that is deemed more superior/capable. As a result, individuals feel a lack of self-esteem and a sense of urgency to enhance themselves. (This is the most common form of comparison.)
Downward Comparison: the act of comparing oneself to another person that is deemed less superior/capable. As a result, individuals feel better about themselves, knowing another person is worse off.

Research conducted on the social comparison theory shows that positive effects on mental wellbeing from the comparison are rare. Findings on positive effects of social comparison show that comparisons can be seen as motivating and can serve as inspirations for individuals who want to achieve similar goals.

The majority of studies on the subject, however, display negative effects on overall well-being when it comes to social comparisons. According to the European Journal of Marketing, individuals who engage in upward comparison and have higher social media consumption experience lower self-esteem levels, and anxiety, and have higher spending rates. In addition, these individuals are more likely to experience feelings of defensiveness, envy, and guilt for not achieving their goals.

Role of Social Media in Comparisons

Social media has become a key driver of social comparison. A person’s social media page may highlight the highs of their life (like the expensive vacation, new car, and job promotion from earlier). All of these are great accomplishments that deserve to be celebrated.

However, on social media, we often leave out the lows we experience in order to achieve these successes: the stress of balancing multiple jobs, dealing with family/relationship issues, and moments of failures. This ultimately leaves people to compare their current reality to a perfect narrative they see online.

Ways to Avoid “The Trap”

It is easier said than done. However, reminding yourself of these affirmations might help you focus on your own path and cherish the successes you have in your life.

Understand that not everything you see online is true. Social media has coined a new term: “the highlight reel”. Essentially, people upload what they want others to see in order to formulate a positive perception of themselves. Therefore, we tend to only view the positive moments in people's lives through social media. It is important to understand that what people put out on social media may not be the full truth. These individuals may seem to be having the time of their lives while simultaneously experiencing personal struggles of their own.
Compete with yourself, not others. Instead of comparing what another person has done in their life, focus on what you have and want to accomplish. A great way of doing this is by documenting your own successes. Create a list of short-term and long-term goals you have for yourself and slowly begin to cross those off. Look at the trajectory of your own life and compare it to how it was a month ago? A year ago?
Go on a social media cleanse. Surround yourself with content that motivates and inspires you. Avoid following accounts that make you feel negative about yourself. Also, consider taking social media breaks. It will allow you to focus more on the now and give you time to focus on yourself and the goals you want to achieve.
Learn how to celebrate others. Gratitude is key! Remember that: their win is not your loss.