It can be really tough to struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. The other side of it is the role of the support system for individuals who struggle with anxiety. We actually all have anxiety and worry about things but some people have it to the point where it starts to impact their way of thinking, their way of functioning, and their way of interacting with other people. We may also be the person who needs support sometimes even if we are in the role of being the support person. The purpose of this article is to share tips that may be helpful for being the support person.
Validate Your Loved One.
One of the first things that we can do to support our loved one is to validate them. We validate by letting people know that we understand how they're feeling without trying to change how they're feeling or how they're thinking. If you truly don't understand how they're thinking or feeling, something that you can say is: “Tell me more about that” or “What happened to make you think that way?” This helps us to gather more information before responding.
Know your limits.
Knowing your own limitations is extremely important because somedays, you might not be that support person that can ask clarifying questions. If you say “tell me more about that”, and they do open up and tell you more about what's going on, they will need a safe space at that very moment. If this puts you past your limits, it can potentially put you in a difficult mental space, which is not a good thing. Knowing what your limitations are and how much support that you can be to that person will allow you to set boundaries.
Do not try to fix things or enable negative behaviors of your loved one.
Being a support person is to make sure that you don't try to fix it for them. So that's when we kind of get into enabling. So for the person who is having any anxiety or uncontrollable worry, they are going to want to avoid whatever it is that they're worried about. And so sometimes as a support person, we'll go in and try to do things for them, but then that increases the anxiety that they're feeling. So it's okay to allow them to figure it out on their own and not step in is more helpful. The third thing that I wanted to say is to know what is available if you desire to be that person, to give them those resources. So there are a ton of resources on this page and also on the Connected Family Services page.
Have professional resources available in case your loved one needs more assistance.
There's a ton of resources about how to find a therapist and also there are tons of resources about support lines. If you go to our crisis line page, there's also a ton of resources and 24-hour support lines for different topics of concern. And so depending on what the situation is like, if it's a crisis event or if they just need someone to talk to Connected Family Services is located in the Lehigh Valley and the Lehigh Valley has a warm line that people can call. There are also resources for individuals caring for elderly individuals here: Assisted Living. The warm line is available for when you're not in crisis, but you want someone to talk to about what's going on. And maybe if you have a therapist and it's after hours or on a weekend, there might be alternative supports that are available for that person: Crisis Lines .
Timing and Tone of voice. It is not what you say, it’s how you say it.
If your loved one doesn't have a therapist and if you're going to be the one who suggests for them to meet with one, two things that are important is the tone of voice and timing. If someone is in the middle of expressing how they feel to you, telling them that they need to go see a therapist right away may not be the appropriate timing. Depending on how you say it and when you say it, it could be what the person needs to hear or it could be off-putting. That person might just be expressing themselves and may just need some validation (see tip number 1 above.). The tone of voice is also really important. A harsh or disapproving tone may cause the person to feel shame for reaching out to a therapist which is often still reported in some communities.
I think we can all have an impact on how we communicate about therapy to other people especially if you feel that it might be helpful for them. If you have your own experience with therapy, maybe something that might be really helpful is “I used to struggle with similar issues and I started to talk to my therapist about it. It really helped me to see things in a new light. “
