Why You Can't Fully Understand People.

Dear Reader,

Today’s blog is different from what you have seen so far. You might even be surprised at the content encapsulated in this blog. Usually, our blogs are targeted to a particular audience; however, this blog is for everyone. It explains why we cannot fully understand the perspectives of other people. Also, this blog is inspired by the work of a famous existential psychiatrist, Irvin D. Yalom. Let us get started straight away.

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Transformation Error

Okay, Think of your Mom. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? A photograph of your mom? Perhaps an image, or a memory? Most of our brains think in terms of images unless you are hyper-verbal, then it is easier for you to think in words. The general population (70%) thinks in terms of images. However, we do not communicate with people in terms of images. Our communication is mostly in terms of words. When we want to convey our perspective to someone, the transformation of the image in our brains to a thought and then to language is relatively difficult. Irvin David Yalom, the author of ‘Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy’, says: “Casualties occur: the rich, fleecy texture of the image, its extraordinary plasticity, and flexibility, its private nostalgic emotional hues- all are lost when the image is crammed into language”. Meaning, what we conceptualize in our minds cannot be fully transformed into the language of communication. Some essence of the perspective is somehow lost in the transformation process. The person receiving the information might not entirely comprehend the already broken information.

Translation Error

The second reason why we are not able to completely understand others is because of the translation error. When people communicate with us in words, our brains change those word sequences into images. And this time, we as receivers are responsible for the loss of information.  Our brains do not entirely translate the info now in words to images and then into thoughts. Some meaning of the information is again lost. 

Biases

When we receive information, our understanding of that information is influenced by our previous experiences with that person. This is the place where biases come in. Sometimes, not-so-good-experiences with a person can make our understanding of their perspective negatively biased. Even a positive bias towards any person may make our understanding of their viewpoint positively biased. We form assumptions about them, and most of the time, those assumptions are fallacious. We come to wrong conclusions and our hypotheses about them themselves being false. To counter the adverse effects of biases, self-awareness can play an essential role. 

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Self-awareness helps you to focus on your thoughts and emotions and allows you to objectively evaluate them. It focuses on the idea that you are your thoughts are a separate entity.

As a consequence, you can analyze and reach to the root cause of any thought. You can maintain a neutral mindset and understand other perspectives as they are once you are self-aware. Note: Self-awareness is a skill that is developed over many years of practice. 

Understanding creates a safe environment in which individuals express themselves. Understanding builds trust, and trust creates relationships. Discrepancies, incompatibility and irreconcilability between people and perspectives occur due to our inability to understand completely. 

Love and Peace

Waleed.