Modern society has taught us that individuals must be in tune with their emotions before tackling their surroundings to maximize their success. When it comes to an understanding your feelings, self-love is crucial to deepen your relationship with yourself, work ethic, lifestyle, and overall how your brain works. Nevertheless, with this profound journey of understanding who you are, outside opinions have developed an inability to decipher between self-love and narcissistic behavior. How do we know we are talking to a narcissist or someone who knows their worth? What is the most significant factor in knowing a narcissist is manipulating you or if the person is simply strong-headed?

To put it simply, demonstrating self-love entails knowing yourself and having the ability to neglect external negative opinions about who you are as a person. Self-love entails two key components: self-respect and self-esteem. Both of these components are necessary for a person to understand who they are, what they are looking for in life, and, more importantly, not being susceptible to manipulation that will deter them from their goals. According to the Huffington Post, someone who practices self-love understands how to surround themselves with healthy relationships and demonstrate self-nurture. They also seek out constructive criticism because they continuously want to grow. In essence, people who practice self-love acknowledge their flaws and strengths and are thankful for who they are. In contrast, narcissists display the opposite behavior.

To know if someone is a narcissist, the most significant factor is that they cannot love themselves. Typically, someone exhibiting narcissistic behavior will overwork themselves to please people rather than satisfy themselves. These people will do whatever it takes to achieve satisfaction, rejecting outside opinions or any relevant assistance. These people also have higher expectations of themselves compared to others. With this mindset, narcissists believe that no one in the world will bring them happiness or contentment simply because they need constant recognition and admiration. Those who demonstrate self-love do not need this admiration or praise because they already see it within themselves. 

Other signs of a narcissist are in intimate relationships, in which these people do not need nearly as much intimacy physically and emotionally as other people. One common example of this is if a partner finds it selfish of you to ask for intimacy since they never need it. Furthermore, narcissists also exhibit elevated expectations in regards to how they are treated. Often, people who are in relationships with a narcissist are frequently blamed for minor mishaps, such as not being able to see their partner when they ask due to external reasons. 

The most crucial takeaway is that narcissists are not in tune with their emotions and simply cannot love anyone. They constantly seek approval and tend to achieve this through relationships, so they always have a constant source of admiration. To put it simply: narcissists are more insecure than we think. This is important to understand because when people confuse self-love with narcissism, self-love demonstrates the highest confidence level. At the same time, some may argue that narcissism is a high level of insecurity. The main reason why people tend to confuse these two ideas is that both topics are interconnected through someone’s self-esteem. Narcissists exhibit higher levels of self-esteem than average people but continue to internally beat themselves up for their insecurities. Meanwhile, a person who shows self-love also demonstrates high self-esteem but uses their insecurities and flaws to be a better person. This fine line is where people often focus on rather than examining these two ideas from different angles. 

So, if you believe that loving yourself is exhibiting narcissistic behaviors, reevaluate your purpose as to why you began loving yourself to start with. Did you begin loving yourself to be a better person and build confidence? Or are you simply loving yourself because you know no one on the planet can outshine you, and you will do whatever it takes to let everyone know you are better than everyone else, even if it means hurting people along the way? 

If you believe you are struggling with narcissistic behaviors or are dealing with the impact of having a person with narcissistic tendencies in your life, be sure to reach out to a licensed counselor who specializes in treating narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) for confirmation of diagnosis and treatment options.